FanSided: Bud Selig and MLB Umpires Are So Good at Their Jobs

It’s a big day for me, as this post inspired the following comment from “bigyaz:” Did you really spend time writing this pile of crap? Is it supposed to be funny, or have some kind of point? My first negative blog post comment! And fitting! I think this means I’m an official blogger now. It feels good. Thank you.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at FanSided

I just want to say that Bud Selig and the MLB umpires are so good at their jobs. They are really very good. I hope none of them ever quit or retire or get fired, because they are so good. And so competent. And professional. And the best. Just the best. I want you to imagine the most ideal commissioner and umpire combo. Close your eyes and craft from your subconscious the greatest MLB commissioner, overseeing the greatest umpires—that’s Bud Selig and the men currently calling Major League Baseball games. Top notch. The cream of the crop. The best of the best.

.

 

Fansided: The Current MLB Standings: What in The

This went live on Wednesday, and I sure could have posted here twice in one day to let everyone know, but the goal is one entry per day and by spacing everything out I am now fulfilling that goal while also not having to do too much work on a Friday. Not doing things is so much better than doing things.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at FanSided

A consequence of moving is that I was without television and internet and hot baseball news for quite some time. It’s a long and boring story but for many days I was disconnected from the World Wide Web and the outside, digital world. I’m back now, after a long hiatus, and holy shit the baseball standings sure are crazy! Indeed, this entire season has been pretty wild for a while now, and surprises are to be expected, but wow! This is really how things are going to be, huh? Chaos reigns? Randomness is the only constant in the Universe? Our lives are fortuitous coincidences devoid of meaning? Sounds good to me. Bring on the apocalypse. I hope there’s a 6-way tie for one of the final Wild Card spots and we’re watching play-in games until Halloween. So what exactly is going on here? As a way to catch myself up, why don’t we list out some of the currently contending teams and try to make sense of this mess? No, “sense” is probably the wrong word. Let’s try and comment on this mess. We’ll make some comments.

.

FanSided: Red Sox Fire Hitting Coach, Instantly Improve Hitting

Oh man, the Red Sox sure have been bad. But they fired their hitting coach! So now everything will be better! I investigated this exciting new development over at FanSided and wrote words about it. Congratulations on winning the 2012 World Series, Red Sox!

PS: I was going to add an image to this post and so I Googled “Red Sox suck” and holy shit, was that ever a terrible idea. It was almost enough to make you root for the Red Sox. The internet is such a stupid place. What the hell are we all doing here at this stupid place?

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at FanSided

Dustin Pedroia was asked about the firing and he responded with great optimism. “I feel awesome,” said the second-baseman, currently sporting an OPS of .333, the lowest mark of his career since his rookie season. “Don’t get me wrong, Bob was a good guy, but now that he’s gone I just feel like such a better hitter, you know? All that junk he used to tell me about my front foot and clearing my hips and all that? Yuck. Confusing. Now I’m free, man. I feel great.” Slugger Adrian Gonzalez agreed with his teammate, he himself posting near career low hitting numbers this season. Gonzalez was confident improvement was coming soon. “Bob was always telling me these strange things, things like ‘Be bad at hitting’ and ‘Don’t worry about hitting the ball hard.’ I never understood that,” said the first-baseman. “Now that Bob is gone, I won’t be hearing that kind of instruction, and I’ll be able to better focus on other things, like being good at hitting.”

.

Fansided: MLB MVP Candidates: All the Good Players

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at FanSided

The current frontrunners for the two MVP awards are: All the good players. All the good players are popular, and the more good players on lists in posts like this, the more one is able to excite or upset or anger people who think their favorite or preferred good player is more deserving than the other good players. This is Internet 101 and I’m about to totally nail it here pretty soon. There’s the young superstar who’s mashing the baseball and playing a superior defensive position with elite skill. There’s the other young superstar who’s doing the same thing. There’s that third baseman who’s really good, and the catcher who’s recently caught fire at the plate despite his position being perhaps the most difficult and physically demanding on the diamond. There are also all those first baseman who always hit a ton of home runs. And there are even pitchers who are good and who cause a lot of arguments! Baseball is crazy with good players and all of them have a chance to win the MVP. Doesn’t that make you happy or mad and make you want to discuss and comment and link others to this post?

.

FanSided: Matt Holliday: Good Hitter, Baseball Player

This blog is starting to look stupid with all these links and excerpts. Oh well, I hope you like the pictures I use to vainly punch things up. Look at that funny baseball card of Matt Holliday, isn’t it visually interesting and also amusing to your eyes and brain?

Please click this internet hyperlink to read my entire Trade Deadline post over at FanSided

Pop quiz, hot shot: Name Matt Holliday‘s best offensive season. Unless you’re a filthy cheater, or are strong of intuition and sense a bit of chicanery, then you probably answered something like: Oh, man, I don’t know, one of those Coors seasons. Maybe 2007? That was a long time ago. What am I, some kind of baseball encyclopedia? This is what the internet is for. Alright, alright, hypothetical reader/question answerer—you make a good point. That is what the internet is for. Good thing we’re all here. So we’ve had some fun, I’ve managed to fabricate this entire opening paragraph out of nonsense, and now it’s time for the answer. It’s this season, the one happening right now. Matt Holliday is currently on pace for the best offensive season of his career.

.

FanSided: MLB Trade Deadline Ends, Mercifully

MLB Trade Deadline Winners and Losers

Losers: Us – Because the trade deadline was loud and frantic and annoying and it seemed like it would never end.

Winners: Us – Because it ended.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read my entire Trade Deadline post over at FanSided

Maybe I’m an awful contratian that sucks the fun out of everything in order to bring the rest of the world down to my own singular, miserable level—or maybe I’m just getting old—but I found yesterday kind of overwhelming. And exhausting! I’ve been there, I’ve done the MLB Trade Rumors thing, constantly refreshing homepages, internet searching for updates and confirmation of sources—the whole song and dance. And I enjoyed myself, for the first few seasons at least. Perhaps it was because this was my first season with an active Twitter account, but holy shit, the information and rumors and gossip and speculation was relentless. It literally never ended. It’s still going on right now, this very instant as I type these words with my hands and fingers.

.

FanSided: Ichiro Traded to the Yankees, Seattle Weirded Out

Here is Ichiro in his most natural state. I’m on All-Ichiro-All-The-Time Alert.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at FanSided

I thought I was really pushing it last week when I wrote about the Seattle Mariners. No one cares about the Seattle Mariners! As a Mariners fan, I am acutely attuned to this irrefutable fact of the baseballing internet. And yet, here we are, and the Seattle Mariners are a hot topic in the sweltering sports cycle and I feel compelled to add my two cents because what am I going to do, actually research and learn about other teams and other players I’m less familiar with? Sounds hard.

.

FanSided: Felix Hernandez Tiptoeing Quietly Towards AL Cy Young Award

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at FanSided

In the interest of full disclosure (very professional), I will tell you that I am a Seattle Mariners fan. That probably shouldn’t inspire a spirited reaction from you, it should probably just make you feel sorry for me. That aside, this blog post is about a Seattle Mariners player, so take this post with whatever measure of salt you’d like. Maybe you feel like this post warrants a pinch of salt, or maybe a teaspoon. A tablespoon? A cup? Two cups? The whole bowl of salt?! This is getting insane. You better cool it on the salt, man. I’m about to assert that Felix Hernandez is putting together a compelling case for the American League Cy Young Award. What I’m going to use to defend myself against an unrelenting onslaught of crystalline mineral is facts. Facts and numbers and statistics and stuff.

FanSided: Accepting the MLB All-Star Game

or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Sort of Love a Meaningless Exhibition That Determines Home Field Advantage in the World Series

—

I have a new writing gig and it will be contributing to the FanSided parent site once a week. It’s all very exciting news except it just means I have to come up with one extra interesting idea per week. This shit is hard! You might see a few more lazy link/excerpt posts around here, maybe a couple more half-assed Arrested Development YouTubes, things like that. When I started this blog my goal was to force myself to write something five times a week no matter the word count. I managed to do that for a while but lately, what with the Real Website responsibilities, some weeks it can be a struggle. Besides, there are lives to be lived and beers to be drunk out there in this crazy world. But whatever, who cares about my fucking schedule. That’s enough boring housekeeping for now. Long story short: I wrote about the Accepting the All-Star Game over at FanSided this week. Baseball fans just can’t get enough All-Star Game content! Click over and read it if you don’t mind.

.