Tag Archives: Yoenis Cespedes

Call to the Pen: Yoenis Cespedes for American League Rookie of the Year

Sometimes I write satirical pieces and people think that they are real. I can’t decide if that makes me a total success or a total failure. Either way, I refuse to take responsibility. Blame the reader! I always say. It’s a great strategy that has served me very well thus far in my time as a writer.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at Call to the Pen

No one is talking about the American League Rookie of the Year race and this is a gross injustice that needs to be rectified. All I’ve been hearing about lately is the AL MVP. Mike Trout, Miguel Cabrera, blah blah blah. Everyone seems to be taking for granted that just because Mike Trout is getting some (largely undeserved) MVP buzz, that this automatically makes him the undisputed AL Rookie of the Year, end of discussion. End of discussion? There needs to be a discussion! There is no such thing as a sure things in sports (or sports writing). There must always be two options, and we must consider both options and give them equal weight because that is what’s fair and right (and controversial). In this spirit, I present to you the Oakland Athletics’s Yoenis Cespedes (American League Rookie of the Year).

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Call to the Pen: But Seriously, Watch This Yoenis Cespedes Home Run Again

While the rest of the baseballing world is busy with today’s lineups, the slow and/or fast starts of certain teams, Ozzie Guillen, you know, topical subjects—I’m out here living in the past, baby. The past like last Friday, when Yoenis Cespedes knocked the shit out of some Jason Vargas garbage slop. Over at Call to the Pen, I’d like us all to watch the thing again, and to reflect if for just a moment. One single fleeting moment before the gnawing pull of the world and all it’s dreaded terrors return. Give yourself at least that.

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Yoenis Cespedes: Demigod

Coco Crisp is a confident guy. I guess you’d have to be with that name. He was asked Tuesday while on a phone interview about the Oakland Athletic’s recent acquisition of Cuban workout master and vowel enthusiast Yoenis Cespedes. Cespedes plays defense in the outfield and is well regarded as an athlete and gloveman. Crisp had this to say:

“I’m going to make all the plays. If someone feels there’s someone better than me, it’s hard for me to believe. Unless he’s a demigod come down from the heavens, no one is going to outshine me in center field.”

He may have a point. Crisp is known to be an above-average defender both by reputation and statistics. He’s getting older, with some of his swiftness of foot perhaps waning, but the longtime center fielder certainly isn’t out of line to suggest the spot is his to lose.

The pertinent question then becomes: Is Yoenis Cespedes, as Crisp says, a demigod come down from the heavens? The facts seem to point towards “Yes.”

Yoenis Cespedes’ father was a god. His mother was a human.

Yoenis Cespedes is a human-god hybrid.

Yoenis Cespedes is tight with the Sumerian king Gilgamesh.

Yoenis Cespedes is stronger, braver, and quicker than other mortals.

Yoenis Cespedes is a DemigodYoenis Cespedes is able to accomplish super-human feats as a consequence of his divine lineage.

Yoenis Cespedes battles and vanquishes large monsters and beasts.

Yoenis Cespedes sometimes displays his incredible talent and ability just for the sake of spreading his own legend.

The image accompanying this post is 100% authentic and real.

Yoenis Cespedes has mad arm strength.

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