Some Chipper Jones Facts

  • He plans to retire at the end of the 2012 season
  • That’s why I’m writing this post
  • His given name is Larry Wayne Jones, Jr.
  • He was the first overall pick in the 1990 amateur draft
  • Ken Griffy Jr. and Alex Rodriguez were also first overall picks in the amateur draft
  • Don’t remind me
  • I already did, sorry
  • He has played, and will play, his entire career as an Atlanta Brave
  • Unless they trade him
  • That would be hilarious
  • And terrible
  • He was a World Series Champion in 1995
  • He was the NL MVP in 1999
  • I feel like he should have been the NL MVP more than one time
  • What are you gonna do?
  • His current career triple slash of .304/.402./.533 is fucking ridiculous
  • He has currently complied 87.5 fWAR
  • That’s pretty good
  • Hall of Fame good
  • First-ballot Hall of Fame good
  • But they’ll probably fuck that up
  • Like they always do
  • So it goes
  • One time he cheated on his wife which resulted in his having a child with a Hooters waitress
  • People don’t like to talk about that
  • He has a son named Shea because he used to really rake at Shea Stadium
  • People really like to talk about that
  • He has a charity wine called Chipper Chardonnay
  • Which I bet is terrible
  • Because Chardonnay is awful garbage wine
  • And it’s made by a baseball player
  • I bet he’s pretty sick of that goddamned Tomahawk Chop by now

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