It’s getting late in the day and you still probably haven’t read a hypothetical rendering of Bryce Harper as a street vendor selling handmade jewelry. It’s time to change all that. If you actually have already read such a thing, first, that’s an incredible coincidence and second, I’m willing to stake my reputation on this version being superior. If it’s not, please get in contact with me, provide the applicable documents of proof, and I will gladly eat my hat. Speaking of hats, Bryce Harper is a baseball player, and he wears one often (segue). If the jewelry bit doesn’t do it for you, read on and discover why I’m totally a fan of the weirdo. I’m not really sure why, actually, but the heart wants what it wants, kids.