Oh man, the Red Sox sure have been bad. But they fired their hitting coach! So now everything will be better! I investigated this exciting new development over at FanSided and wrote words about it. Congratulations on winning the 2012 World Series, Red Sox!
PS: I was going to add an image to this post and so I Googled “Red Sox suck” and holy shit, was that ever a terrible idea. It was almost enough to make you root for the Red Sox. The internet is such a stupid place. What the hell are we all doing here at this stupid place?
Dustin Pedroia was asked about the firing and he responded with great optimism. “I feel awesome,” said the second-baseman, currently sporting an OPS of .333, the lowest mark of his career since his rookie season. “Don’t get me wrong, Bob was a good guy, but now that he’s gone I just feel like such a better hitter, you know? All that junk he used to tell me about my front foot and clearing my hips and all that? Yuck. Confusing. Now I’m free, man. I feel great.” Slugger Adrian Gonzalez agreed with his teammate, he himself posting near career low hitting numbers this season. Gonzalez was confident improvement was coming soon. “Bob was always telling me these strange things, things like ‘Be bad at hitting’ and ‘Don’t worry about hitting the ball hard.’ I never understood that,” said the first-baseman. “Now that Bob is gone, I won’t be hearing that kind of instruction, and I’ll be able to better focus on other things, like being good at hitting.”