Heath Bell has been all yappin’ and stuff and then Ozzie Guillen has been all yappin’ and stuff and then the sports media has been yappin’ about said yappin’ and then smartasses on the internet have been yappin’ about the yappin’ about the yappin’. This is how the world works and how things will be forever until the end of time.
On the most recent edition of FanGraphs Audio, Dayn Perry, as he’s wont to do, offered up some sports opinions about this matter. They were both literally and figuratively hot as the undying fires of hell. There was also boiling oil involved, which, I imagine, is quite warm. Scalding, even. Dayn Perry, he said the words that make up the title of this post. Dayn Perry, he said “HEATH BELL NEEDS TO SHUT UP, OR BE BOILED IN OIL!”
In what is quickly becoming a new and very pathetic tradition, I’ve taken the liberty of Photoshopping together a picture of Heath Bell being boiled in oil. This proves that I know how to use the copy and paste functions on my computer, as well the layering properties of Photoshop, and also the polygonal lasso and eraser tools. And the clone stamp, too.