Tag Archives: Max Scherzer

Buster Olney Tweets Poetry: Part II

Scherzer’s first

inning: 10

pitches, 8

strikes, fastball





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Let’s All Look at the Dominance of My Fantasy Baseball Team

It’s been over a week since the Major League Baseball season came to an end, and yet, I still find it relevant, nay, essential that we all look at the dominance of my fantasy baseball team. Here, feast your eyes on this:

I don’t want to dwell on this for too long, because I’m not here to gloat. I just think it’s important for people to know that such dominance is possible. This is an objective service I’m providing here, one of instilling hope, awe, wonder. Were things to have gone differently, I would be treating the above performance from another player with equal reverence. This is not about me, Kyle Davis, Incontrovertible and Absolute Fantasy Baseball Champion. This is about science, art. This exercise is pure. This is not grandstanding.

And so who to thank? There are so many, but I will attempt to be brief. Matt Holliday, Michael Bourn, Chase Headley, of course. Kevin Youkillis, for those two or three weeks after you got traded to the Chicago White Sox, when you completely mashed after I picked you up off the waiver wire. Adam Wainwright, for making good on your peripheral statistics after joining my team. Pablo Sandoval, for not being productive much at all after getting traded away for Adam Wainwright. The sad sack who agreed to said trade. Prince Fielder, for hitting better than Justin Upton following a very early season swap. The same exact sad sack for agreeing to this trade as well. Max Scherzer, the Avant-Garde Sportsman, for having a disappointing start to the season, thus allowing me to add you to my team for literally nothing, after which you performed at an elite level. A very elite level. With so many strikeouts. So many.

I’d like to thank Mike Trout and I don’t believe I need to say anything more. Words of thanks would be insulting to his brilliance.┬áMy gratitude can not be expressed with pitiful language. You deserve better, Mike Trout. Better than me or anyone else can provide for you.


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