Tag Archives: New York Yankees

Call to the Pen: Some Other Moves the Yankees Should Make / Blog Abyss (Don’t Do No Good to Get Angry)


My most recent post at Call to the Pen was about the New York Yankees and some baseball moves they should consider were the logic of Jon Heyman and some other mainstream writers to be mistakenly believed as sound. It was a wee bit satirical and there were some attempts at jokes and all that. It was also posted over a week ago. The day after my post I was contacted by a Call to the Pen editor-type and asked a series of questions in regards to my place on the site. Reading between the lines (I went to college, where I studied English and Creative Writing), it became readily apparent that they were very interested in internet-things like “relevant baseball news” and “traffic” and “page views” and all sorts of other insufferable garbage that I don’t care to understand or think about. Metrics, perhaps. Click-Through Rate. I was also able to glean from the electronic mail that I probably wasn’t the greatest performer when it came to all of this new and important stuff and that the editor-type wasn’t all that keen on my choices of blog content and writing style. Some people don’t find me funny or interesting, turns out. I’m just as shocked as you are. The end result is that I promptly tendered my resignation, or whatever, and the post you can click on and read right here will be my last at Call to the Pen. So it goes, a guy once said and continued to say for quite a long time.

I spent over a year at Call to the Pen. I wrote like, somewhere around 100 posts in that time. That strikes me as a lot. It was a lot of posts, and a lot of words, and a great deal more stress and anxiety and impending doom. The blessing of Call to the Pen was also its curse. I was expected to provide two posts per week. This kept me motivated, to a certain extent, and it forced me to write when I wouldn’t have otherwise. I think I fared ok, despite the panic. It also made me more than miserable on select days. Many days. I suppose part of the idea of this blog is to show someone, anyone out there that I’m a person with a decently functioning brain who likes baseball and can write about it on a certain consistent frequency. Call to the Pen allowed me to publicly present that ability, and to do so on a stage marginally larger than the one I’ve fashioned for myself here, with internet comments, and on Twitter. For that I am grateful, and I think fondly of many of my co-writers, and to the people who originally gave me the opportunity to contribute. Thank you, people who deserve it. You were nice, and we posted some baseball shit, and it was good more often than it was not.

And now here I am, back where I started, and it’s just fine. For one reason or the other, I felt a certain responsibility to Call to the Pen, a responsibility to cover topical subjects and newsworthy happenings, and I gave it my best shot and I wrote about things in such a way that I could live with myself. I was willing to write about a contract extension, or a free agent signing, or a steroids controversy, but I was going to couch it in a great deal of ham-fisted bullshit, and occasional satire, and a whole lot of tongue-cheeking, because I know what baseball news aggregation looks like and I don’t find it particularly compelling or worthwhile. Unless it pays, in which case, I fucking love it. I’ll give you Dan Haren’s career trajectory and injury history and WAR/$ all day every day. Now, I’m a free man, burdened to no website or news cycle or misplaced sense of responsibility. It feels good and also not good, because I can do whatever the hell I want. Most days, whatever the hell I want to do is not write a baseball blog post. I’ve sat around for a week, lived life, breathed easy after work between the hours of 5pm-10pm, and now I suppose I’ll attempt a return to the grind. Shit might get weird, or intermittent, or just plain awful. But writers write, and that’s the delusion I’m grasping at for a least a while longer.

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Call to the Pen: Alex Rodriguez Tarnishes Legacy With Further PED Suspicions


Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at Call to the Pen

All across the expanse of the baseballing nation, scribes of the sport have begun to reckon with the reality of Alex Rodriguez: Fallen Hero. From CBS Sports, Danny Knobler is quite clearly struggling mightily to nurse a profoundly broken heart. To whom will Knobler’s children now submit their faith? What are we without our shining stars? Are we anything at all?

ESPN’s Ian O’Connor is faced with a similar quandary. Long one of the most vocal and public admires of Rodriguez’s prodigious baseball talents, work ethic, and integrity, how is O’Connor to move on? What sort of dishonor has he brought upon his station as sports journalist if he could be so gullible, the wool pulled over his eyes so easily? O’Connor was naive enough to believe in the innocent myth of baseball, that grown men could play a children’s game and stand for something more, something greater. He is left now with nothing but the devastated remains of his champion’s reputation—once clean, now soiled.

Ken Rosenthal was witnessed in the center of a busy thoroughfare on fallen knee, wailing towards the Heavens. Jon Heyman has not moved from his bed, or blinked, in over 36 hours.


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Call to the Pen: Is Kevin Youkilis Too Sweaty to be a Yankee?


The Question: Kevin Youkilis too sweaty to be a New York Yankee?

The Process: A whole lot of ham-fisted prose and thesaurus words and Wikipedia information.
_____________Occasional joke attempts.

The Answer: It wasn’t a real question.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at Call to the Pen

 It starts at the temples, pools and spreads across the forehead. Once volume meets critical mass, surface tension takes over, and the liquid begins to travel outward, onto the brim and then to the tip of the bill. The perspiration converges, multiplies, drips. Drips a lot. More so when present on a batting helmet, the wool absorbancy of the the on-field cap no longer an obstacle. This is the sweat of Youkilis, the excretion of a Red Sock, the sudor of a heathen. Greek God, pshaw! This is not the way of a gentleman Yankee.


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Jeter is an Overhyped Singles Slapper

I have neither the time nor the talent to properly summarize the glorious contents of the above internet video. Or I’m a lazy and terrible blogger, you decide! Suffice it to say (I just spent like six minutes on the internet trying to determine the proper phrasing of that term) that there are Yankees players being grilled like American Meats, using walkers like old people, and CC Sabathia being netted like a beached whale. There are also pirate ships, an eye-patch, batters swinging, missing, and screwing themselves into the ground, and all sorts of topical and appropriate jokes regarding baseball and baseball teams. Watch it. Feel mirth.

Embedded YouTube videos are really great for mailing in blog posts.

Thanks to CBS Sports Eye on Baseball (the Home for All Baseball Fans) and C. Trent Rosecrans and Dayn Perry for bringing this wonderful creation to my attention. I don’t really know how to properly give credit on the internet but I think that about covers it.


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Some Possible Reasons Why Mike Francesa Fell Asleep On Air

He was:

Listening to trite, cliche, and otherwise meaningless commentary on the state of the New York Yankees Baseball Club.

Falling into a hypoglycemic coma due to low blood sugar.

Reaching the end of a 60-hour long bender.

Deeply contemplating the etymological origins of a name like Sweeny Murti.

Totally mailing it in.

Slowly surrendering to the calm and peaceful embrace of death.

Slamming heroin.

Being all old.

Just really tired.


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Call to the Pen: Will Ichiro Hit All Sorts of Home Runs at Yankee Stadium?

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at Call to the Pen

Ichiro has been traded to the New York Yankees. You may have heard. Another thing you have have heard is that Ichiro is left-handed. Well you probably didn’t “hear” that, you probably already knew it. That’s not really breaking news, which hand a 38-year-old superstar baseball player favors. But then I guess if we’re getting technical, you did hear it the first time it was told to you, unless you read it, in which case… you know what, let’s just move on.


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Call to the Pen: Indie Rocker Ben Gibbard Not a Fan of Yankee Stadium

The ol’ Trance of Waiting has been a bit intermittent this week.  Allow me to explain: It’s Seattle Beer Week. There, that aught to settle things. My wife and I may or may not have taken work off both today and yesterday. We may or may not have arrived at Sour Fest yesterday morning at 11AM. There may or may not be about 3 growlers worth of sweet, sweet premium craft beer in my fridge right now. Don’t judge lest ye be judged.

At any rate, I managed to not completely run off the rails this week. I dug real deep and found some how some way to publish my two weekly Call to the Pen posts. The second of which concerns rock and roller Ben Gibbard and what he thinks about a couple of MLB stadia. The title is going to give away the most notable of his choices. I’m not even going to tell you his other choice because click on the link that’s why.

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Call to the Pen: Michael Pineda Injured, Mariners Fans Ambivalent

I recently wrote about how Michael Pineda hurt his shoulder real bad and how strange that information is to process as a Mariners fan. Michael Pineda is a Yankee now and Jesus Montero is a Mariner and Jesus Montero isn’t hurt but Michael Pineda is. We used to really like Michael Pineda and right now we don’t really know Jesus Montero all that well and all of this makes for some complicated feelings and emotions. I tried to cover all that over at Call to the Pen.


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Call to the Pen: 2012 AL East Division Preview

There’s only so many hacky ways one can write that the AL East has a ton of good teams. You know this to be true, I know this to be true, there’s not a lot of room left over for creative insights. Well, sure, there probably is, actually, but let’s not sit here and pretend like I’m going to come up with any of them. All I’m going to do is write semi-ironic sentences that end in lazy exclamation points. Something like: The American League East sure does have a lot of teams that are really good at playing the sport of baseball!

Moving on: I previewed the AL East over at Call to the Pen. Click yourself on over there to read about all five teams—a best case scenario, worst case scenario, and storyline to watch for each of them. I have this little hope inside that that Blue Jays put everything together, catch a few breaks, and somehow snag one of those weird Wild Card spots. That would be a lot of fun, I think.


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