Tag Archives: Oakland Athletics

Call to the Pen: Baltimore Orioles and Oakland Athletics in Playoffs, Universe Still Intact

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at Call to the Pen

No, what I’m thinking about now is the fanbases of those two teams. The people who aren’t reading this because they’re either hung over or still asleep. Or young children on buses headed to school. The fans of the A’s and O’s don’t give a shit if I enjoyed their teams success or if I think it’s a random fluke of variation. They lived and died with their teams for days and weeks and months. They had the game on in the background during dinner and screamed at their television and argued about the fourth outfielder with their neighbor. They hung on every pitched and hugged their friends and families when it was all over. I root for the Mariners, so maybe I’ll a little too romantic over the rarity of a successful baseball season, but I ran through the streets of San Francisco with Giants fans in 2010, and no one was talking about Pythagorean expectation that I could hear. There was just a lot of smiling and yelling and enjoying life.

I hope they ran in the streets of Baltimore and Oakland last night. I hope they high-fived strangers and drank cheap champagne from the bottle. I hope they sang loudly and cheered pure, saluting their teams and the happiness that had been wrought, and the sport of baseball encompassing all of it.


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Call to the Pen: Yoenis Cespedes for American League Rookie of the Year

Sometimes I write satirical pieces and people think that they are real. I can’t decide if that makes me a total success or a total failure. Either way, I refuse to take responsibility. Blame the reader! I always say. It’s a great strategy that has served me very well thus far in my time as a writer.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at Call to the Pen

No one is talking about the American League Rookie of the Year race and this is a gross injustice that needs to be rectified. All I’ve been hearing about lately is the AL MVP. Mike Trout, Miguel Cabrera, blah blah blah. Everyone seems to be taking for granted that just because Mike Trout is getting some (largely undeserved) MVP buzz, that this automatically makes him the undisputed AL Rookie of the Year, end of discussion. End of discussion? There needs to be a discussion! There is no such thing as a sure things in sports (or sports writing). There must always be two options, and we must consider both options and give them equal weight because that is what’s fair and right (and controversial). In this spirit, I present to you the Oakland Athletics’s Yoenis Cespedes (American League Rookie of the Year).


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Fansided: The Current MLB Standings: What in The

This went live on Wednesday, and I sure could have posted here twice in one day to let everyone know, but the goal is one entry per day and by spacing everything out I am now fulfilling that goal while also not having to do too much work on a Friday. Not doing things is so much better than doing things.

Please click this internet hyperlink to read the entire post over at FanSided

A consequence of moving is that I was without television and internet and hot baseball news for quite some time. It’s a long and boring story but for many days I was disconnected from the World Wide Web and the outside, digital world. I’m back now, after a long hiatus, and holy shit the baseball standings sure are crazy! Indeed, this entire season has been pretty wild for a while now, and surprises are to be expected, but wow! This is really how things are going to be, huh? Chaos reigns? Randomness is the only constant in the Universe? Our lives are fortuitous coincidences devoid of meaning? Sounds good to me. Bring on the apocalypse. I hope there’s a 6-way tie for one of the final Wild Card spots and we’re watching play-in games until Halloween. So what exactly is going on here? As a way to catch myself up, why don’t we list out some of the currently contending teams and try to make sense of this mess? No, “sense” is probably the wrong word. Let’s try and comment on this mess. We’ll make some comments.


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Call to the Pen: 2012 AL West Division Preview

If you’re in the mood for 15 hundred words on the AL West, you’ve come to the right place! Or you will end up in the right place after you click this internet link. I don’t know why anyone would ever have such a mood, or how it would go about manifesting in a person, but fuck it—I’m not a scientist, I’m a half-assed baseball writer. All your favorite AL West teams make a substantial appearance: The Rangers! The Angels! The Mariners! The Athletics! Not the Astros! I’m happy the Astros aren’t around yet, because that would have meant more writing for me, and it would have been boring writing to boot, because god are the Astros boring.

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Yoenis Cespedes: Demigod

Coco Crisp is a confident guy. I guess you’d have to be with that name. He was asked Tuesday while on a phone interview about the Oakland Athletic’s recent acquisition of Cuban workout master and vowel enthusiast Yoenis Cespedes. Cespedes plays defense in the outfield and is well regarded as an athlete and gloveman. Crisp had this to say:

“I’m going to make all the plays. If someone feels there’s someone better than me, it’s hard for me to believe. Unless he’s a demigod come down from the heavens, no one is going to outshine me in center field.”

He may have a point. Crisp is known to be an above-average defender both by reputation and statistics. He’s getting older, with some of his swiftness of foot perhaps waning, but the longtime center fielder certainly isn’t out of line to suggest the spot is his to lose.

The pertinent question then becomes: Is Yoenis Cespedes, as Crisp says, a demigod come down from the heavens? The facts seem to point towards “Yes.”

Yoenis Cespedes’ father was a god. His mother was a human.

Yoenis Cespedes is a human-god hybrid.

Yoenis Cespedes is tight with the Sumerian king Gilgamesh.

Yoenis Cespedes is stronger, braver, and quicker than other mortals.

Yoenis Cespedes is a DemigodYoenis Cespedes is able to accomplish super-human feats as a consequence of his divine lineage.

Yoenis Cespedes battles and vanquishes large monsters and beasts.

Yoenis Cespedes sometimes displays his incredible talent and ability just for the sake of spreading his own legend.

The image accompanying this post is 100% authentic and real.

Yoenis Cespedes has mad arm strength.


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