Tag Archives: Zack Greinke

Pictures of Zack Greinke Kissing a Cat on the Head and Having a Goddamned Cat Party

I mean, holy shit. There are not words to express the equal mix of shame and excitement I felt, and continue to feel, upon learning that these pictures exist. Zack Greinke saw a camera in front of him and then kissed his cat on the head. He and his wife and family and friends had a goddamned cat party. They celebrated the birthday of their beloved cat friend and dressed up in cat themed clothing. This happened. I don’t even know what to do with myself.


Photos courtesy of Emily Greinke’s Twitter account


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You are Dead to Me, Carlos Quentin


That’s it, Carlos Quentin. You are dead to me. Following your inevitable suspension, the next time you come to bat or take the field, I will see nothing. I will see air. You have become an apparition. Like the ships of Columbus set down on the shores of the New World, unseen by the bewildered eyes of the native peoples, your visage to me will be invisible, incomprehensible. For you are dead to me, or even more than dead, you are a void, a blank line. Erased. Never existed. Your father’s seed never swum, your mother’s womb never blossomed. You were never conceived nor nurtured nor birthed. You are dead to me, Carlos Quentin, or even more than dead. No one fucks with my Zack.


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A Baseball Poem

I had a dream about Zack Greinke and he spoke to me,

on the telephone,  I mean,

Zack Greinke spoke

to me and he said many things. It was a dream,

remember, and I started spitting teeth

like bad TV but my ears remained in place

and Greinke said “You use me—

you use me like you use so many others.

To suit your needs, as tools

of distraction from thinking

about yourself. Maybe

I shouldn’t be me. I should be someone else,

like your mother or your high school girlfriend or

a person more meaningful.”

I had a dream

about Zack Greinke but it wasn’t

a dream because I was awake

and not sleeping. Greinke

said “You have to check out

this video online. These Russian guys are driving

and they almost hit a semi

head on, but at the last second they swerve

out of the way. It’s crazy.”


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Players in Which the Mariners are Interested

Josh Hamilton

Mike Napoli

Zack Greinke

Brent Lillibridge

Relatives of Felix Hernandez

Russell Martin

Wil Myers

College friends of high slot draft picks

Nick Swisher

The rest of them

All the players

Every single one


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Call to the Pen: Randy Wolf’s 49 MPH Curveball is Something to Look At

I’m starting to feel self-conscious about how the blog has been looking lately, because lately it’s just been a whole shitload of excerpts and links to other websites. And while those other websites are wonderful and I love them, this kind of practice and schedule is doing a number on my fuckin’ aesthetics. And to hell with these stupid words, I want things to look good around here, goddamnit. So yeah. That’s why I’m trying to type all these words right now. Maybe I’m nuts, but I think these kinds of posts look a lot better than the other types of posts. I don’t mind the excerpts, they’re kind of cool looking and they have that whole turquoise thing going on, but once you get like eight in a row the overall charm of the page starts to wane. I don’t want this to seem like some lifeless link dumping area with all the original content elsewhere, even if that’s sort of what it’s turned into because what am I, some kind of baseball writing machine? I am not. I am human and coming up with ideas for blog posts is seriously just the worst thing ever. Unless the idea comes naturally, then it’s actually kind of fun and easy. What the hell was I talking about?

Oh yeah, right. I’m trying to make this post look like a normal, standard blog post. I think we’re just about there. I think we’re ready for the link. At Call to the Pen, I wrote about this seriously crazy and slow curveball Randy Wolf threw the other day. You can click on over and read all about it if you like. Summary: The pitch was very slow and it was cool. A fun fact about this post is that it was tweeted by both @MichiganGoat and @RandyWolfFans and I think that’s just wonderful. Those are two very neat and interesting Twitters to exist and read and link to a blog post that I wrote. So there’s that. The most special of thanks goes to Grant Brisbee of SB Nation for creating the gif I’ve been shamelessly stealing for all of this. Alright, this is looking pretty good. Things are looking up. I feel a lot better now.


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Call to the Pen: Could Zack Greinke Contend for the Cy Young Award this Season?

It happened again. I wrote about Zack Greinke. It was inevitable and no one should be upset. It was just a quick little 1,100 word post about a pitcher I happen to admire, no big deal. Greinke is good at throwing a baseball, and was a bit unlucky last season, and I think he has a good chance of putting up some really good numbers in the coming months. As long as he doesn’t try and play basketball anytime between then and now*. I hope he ends up on one or both of my fantasy teams. Head on over to Call to the Pen and read all the reasons why I think these things. Look out, because there’s some statistical analysis in there, and it’s very possible I fucking suck at it.

*Rib injury joke.


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Call to the Pen: Zack Greinke, Agentless

My latest post on Call to the Pen went up yesterday afternoon. It’s about Zack Greinke and how he currently does not have an agent. I love Zack Greinke. This will not be my last post about him. Not even close. If he somehow ever becomes a Mariner I will weep tears of happiness and buy about 4 of his jerseys. If he sticks with number 13 all the better. Head on over and read all about that shit.

He's looking at you, judging.

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